Excerpts from Divorceless Relationships
A Book by Gary M. Douglas and Dr. Dain Heer
Does The Law of Attraction Work?
Is the law of attraction real? If you say “I can’t have this,” then what you attract is “I can’t have this”, so does that work?
People believe the law of attraction will generate an improvement in their lives but if you are doing the law of attraction, what is your point of view? That you are not, or do not have, what you are asking for; that you need something to be brought in from outside of you because you are missing something.
It is important that you realize that your point of view creates your reality; reality does not create your point of view. So when you have the point of view you that you have to attract something to you so you can be it or have it, you always have to make sure that you are not what you are trying to attract.
This is the chink in the armor of the law of attraction. What you will do is attract to you those things that create a smaller life, rather than a larger life, even when you believe you are trying to attract a larger life. This is why the law of attraction, instead of creating expansion, creates a contraction.
Isn’t it amazing how brilliant we are at creating the most convoluted methods to control and diminish our lives? This is one of the ways you make sure you never get to be more than 10% of you.
Have you ever noticed that you are attracted to people that are usually less than you? Why is it that somebody who is less than you is attractive to you but somebody who is more than you is not attractive?
You are trying to feel like you belong. You are trying to head towards the belonging of a small life that doesn’t exceed anybody else’s expectations or invoke their judgment. Probably not your best choice. So would you give up longing to be in favor of being? Would you give up all the longing you have done? It means you would have to stop being a romantic and give up believing that everything will turn out fine.
Do Affirmations Work?
What about affirmations? Have you noticed that the opposite side of what you are making affirmations about shows up when you do them? Why? Because as soon as you make the affirmation, you have decided the other side of it is where the power is. You are doing the affirmation to try and overcome the power source. What if there was no power source other than you? What if you are the only power source you cannot overcome?
Looking For Balance
There is a point of view out there that there should be a balance of happiness and sadness and you will experience as much happiness and sadness to always have a balance between those two. Does that feel light to you? No. The truth is that the majority of life can be lived in happiness and joy. There doesn’t have to be a positive and negative charge for everything. What if there was just generative energy?
In order to have a positive and negative point of view then you have to have a judgment. So for there to be happiness or sadness you have to have a judgment about what it is. Generative energy does not require any judgment and therefore it doesn’t have a positive or negative point of view. There does not have to be balance in anything, there’s just choice.
What Would I Like To Choose For Me?
When you take on fixed points of view about relationship, the real difficulty is that you don’t function from choice anymore. You try to put relationship into the box of what it’s supposed to be rather than asking what do I really want to choose for me?
If you did relationship from the question of “Will this give me more of the joy and value of me?” that alone would change your life. Whether its copulation or relationship or both, if you were to look for it to create the joy and the value of you; how different would that be from what you have been looking for so far?
People say they want a relationship that is x, y and z. Okay, does the person they are choosing fit that? No, but they believe if they change them enough they will fit. Sorry. That isn’t going to work. Women think ‘Once they stop doing this, once they start doing this, once I get them to dress better, it will be great.’ For men, it’s usually, ‘Once I get them wanting to have sex more, everything will be great.’ No. Look at what is.
Ask yourself; “Is who this person is – right now – increasing the joy and value of me?
Can You Be A Couple?
This is the lie we start our relationships with. There is no such thing as a couple. That’s the biggest lie we create; that we can be a couple. No. You are two individuals who have the capacity to live together. When you make yourself into a couple, you create a limitation because anything that doesn’t fit your definition of ‘couple’ has to go away.
In order for somebody to be a couple, they have to be constantly in a state of judgment as to whether it’s okay for them to be ‘this’ because they are a couple, or its not okay for them to be ‘this’ because they are a couple.
What Is The Answer?
You keep looking for somebody who can give you an answer about what you need to be or do, and that’s not really available. Do not ask about what you need to be and do, but what you need to choose. Ask the question and just sit with it.
What do I need to choose that would allow me to be everything I would like to be?
What do I need to choose that would allow me to be everything I desire to be?
The biggest mistake I see people making is they look at each of the parts of relationship as though studying the parts will give us clarity. Parts can’t give us clarity. Only the whole can give us clarity. So instead of trying to figure out which parts are missing or what pieces are missing or what you should add or could add or should do different or should have more clarity on, just allow the whole thing to be there and ask “What choice can I make?”
What if you could move beyond where anybody else was capable of living? Would that be of interest to you? Would that be more fun than what you are currently doing? Would that be more fun than anybody else is having? You would never know what was going to come next, which means you would never be bored again.
Would that be exciting? Or have you bought the lie that that it would be fearful for you to not know what the next moment brings? What about the joy of living? What is more fun?
If you will embrace this idea of moving beyond where anybody else is capable of living, you become an invitation for other people to step up to more of what they can be too.
Gary Douglas and Dr. Dain Heer are the founders of Access Consciousness, a simple set of tools, techniques and philosophies for living consciously and with awareness.
One of the targets of Access is the “clearing” of fixed ideas held in place by energetic patterns locked in your body and being; usually experienced as “positive or negative emotional charges.” Processes consisting of questions, clearing statements and hands-on healing techniques (Access Bars™) clear blocks in common, everyday areas such as work, relationship, family, sex, money, physical or emotional trauma, body weight, habits, anxiety, depression and procrastination.
Access is not about telling your personal “story” and/or revealing and reliving past trauma in order to find the answer to the problem. Access takes a different approach, and asks you to live in the question and be the question.
Access Bars is a simple, non-invasive energy process where the facilitator lightly touches 32 points on the head to release energy. This is an incredibly dynamic process that will not only leave you feeling refreshed and relaxed as if you have had a deep restful sleep, it can also change your life.
For more information, visit Access-Bars.com.
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