Anil Gupta on Immediate Happiness

Known as the Love Doctor, Anil Gupta is an international public speaker, life coach, relationship mentor and bestselling author of Immediate Happiness. He has held workshops in 18 countries; spoken at Harvard University and Tedx SugarLand; been featured in numerous publications and media outlets, including Fox News, Sky TV, ABC, CBS and NBC; and met with or coached celebrities, billionaires, athletes, royalty and spiritual leaders. Before moving to the United States with his wife and two children, and embarking upon his coaching career, Gupta was an optometrist for 20 years in the UK.

How do you help the people that you mentor?

I remove the obstacles that are preventing people from leading richer, fuller, happier lives. When I do that, I add more years to their lives and more life to their years. The biggest obstacle is forgiveness. I call forgiveness the express pathway to freedom. The quality of your life is dependent on the depth and authenticity of the forgiveness you give to yourself and to others.

Can you expand on the need for self-forgiveness?

We beat ourselves up. We say, “I’m not good enough. I’m not smart enough. I’m not lovable. There’s something wrong with me. I have some shame. I have some guilt.” Something happens in life, and as human beings, we make it mean something. So for example, if I phone my wife and she doesn’t call me back, I make it mean that she doesn’t love me or she doesn’t respect me, and then I find something else that will confirm that because I like to be right. We’re very good at escalating and at beating ourselves up. We tell the same negative stories 1,000 times.

What is the happiness formula?

Happiness is equal to G times G times G. The first G is, you have to give—your time, your energy, your love, your commitment, your joy, your gifts, your money—without wanting anything in return. The second G is, you have to be grateful for what you have and not focus on what you don’t have. The third G is, you have to grow emotionally, physically, spiritually, financially and mentally. What’s beautiful about this formula is that any time you feel low or upset, one of the three Gs has drastically dropped down. All you have to do is work out which of them it is. Do I need to give, grow or be grateful? And that takes away all of the overwhelm.

Can you describe what you mean by giving?

It could be a smile, a thank you, a compliment or opening the door for someone. I have a three-foot rule. Anyone who comes within three feet of me I’m going to authentically say something nice to them. I like your shoes. Nice handbag. You have beautiful hair. I make it something that will enhance the quality of their lives because they’re probably in their head about something. I feel good and they feel good. There are two types of people on the planet: ones that make you happy when they enter a room and ones that make you happy when they leave a room. It’s that simple.

Here’s an exercise. Perform five random acts of kindness and notice how you feel while you’re doing them. When you give authentically, all the pain and suffering you’re going through disappears, because you disappear. Your problems disappear and it’s impossible to be upset when you authentically give because you’re focusing on someone else. In the moment you give, you receive endorphins, the person receiving that act of kindness or gift receives endorphins, the person observing that act of kindness receives endorphins, the person sharing the act of kindness receives endorphins and the person receiving that shared act of kindness receives endorphins, so it goes a long way.

Can you explain the gratitude component?

When was the last time you thanked your hands for everything that they’ve done for you? What have you done to reward your heart and to make sure that it’s working properly? Our bodies are miracles, and we need have much to be grateful for.

What is your definition of growth, and how do we go about achieving it?

Growth can be emotional, physical, spiritual, mental or financial. So it’s improving mental capabilities, working on your emotions, working on being worthy or lovable, working on being the best version of you. Are you physically healthy? Are you hydrating? Are you taking your supplements? Are you exercising? And spiritually, it’s about being a beautiful soul, having a great vibrational energy. You don’t have to go to church for that.

Ultimately, it all boils down to one thing: awareness. Awareness gives you clarity; clarity gives you focus; focus gives you action; action gives you results; and results give you momentum, which gives you everything. You cannot be joyous, healthy or in love without awareness, and most people don’t have the awareness; they’re numb or in a funk or just comfortable.

How do you define awareness, and how can we be more aware?

Awareness is being cognizant of who you’re being and not being, what you’re saying and not saying, how you’re showing up and not showing up. It’s about being aware of your surroundings, thoughts, actions, inactions, words. Are you aware that you’re keeping to your commitments or that you let someone down?

Awareness is a discipline we have to practice, a muscle. To remind yourself to be more aware, you can put a Post-it note with the word “awareness” on your computer, or a rubber band on your wrist or a sock in your back pocket. You can have your phone ring every two hours as an alarm to remind you to be aware. By putting systems into place, you become aware of being aware, and then you’ll start noticing so many things.

Are we trying to notice and understand why we do things?

Yes, and everything we do is for the feeling it gives us. We have money in the bank for the feeling of security, for example. But what if you could create any feeling without making anything happen? If you think of one of the most happy days of your life, you can immediately feel good, and that’s how you can control your destiny, by controlling your feelings and your reactions to things that happen in your life.

Something can happen, and you see it in a positive way, while I see it in a negative way, even though it’s the exact same occurrence, so it’s all about awareness and the decisions that we make, the interpretation and meaning we put behind things, and that’s another muscle.

Is it as simple as deciding to be happy?

It’s simple to decide, but it’s not easy. If I said to you, rip off your right shoulder and give it to me, knowing that you’re going to bleed to death, would you do it? No. But how many people give their happiness away over a trivial occurrence? All of us, all the time. If we apply the same rule as for ripping our shoulder off, we’d say, “No. I would never give my happiness away.”

The more rules that you have that are positive, the better the quality of your life. The more negative rules you have, the worse the quality of your life. I have a rule that no matter what my wife does, I will not get upset. It’s a decision we can make at any moment, and it’s an awakening, too. Instead of being so reactive, we can be responsive by deciding how we interpret whatever happens to us.

If someone at a party says something you don’t like, how do you respond?

I have Teflon spray on me. Nothing you say can take my happiness away. People may try to influence, goad and trigger you, but you don’t have to comply. Let me give you a great technique. Before going to a party, decide that you will not be triggered. This takes a high level of self-awareness, but then you can live a beautiful life, have a beautiful party and not be triggered because you won’t let anyone trigger you. You’re setting yourself up for success.

Most people don’t do this; they’re a pinball of other people’s opinions. We haven’t been taught any other way, so we think it’s normal. They try to remove the negativity when all they really have to do is be the light, be the best versions of themselves. All they have to do is be so amazing that they cannot be ignored.

Are there mantras you suggest for people?

This is my life. Now I’m in charge. I can handle this. I’m bigger than this. It’s not about me; it’s about the difference I make. When I speak, people listen. I am strong. I am powerful. I am kind. I am generous. I am playful. I have integrity. I love people, and people love me. I make a difference. I am love. I am joy. I am a free spirit. I’m ready, I’m ready, I’m ready. I love me, I love me, I love me. Today is the day. Today is freedom day. Whoever meets me today is going to benefit by having an incredible time with me.

You can adapt it for yourself, but these are beautiful incantations. Most people have negative incantations like—I’m stupid; I’m not good enough; no one loves me; I’m alone—and they reinforce it, but if you are the light, the darkness will disappear.

Sandra Yeyati is the national editor of Natural Awakenings.

Tags: Anil Gupta, February 2025, Immediate Happiness, National Content, Wise Words