The Transformational Power of Forgiveness

by Susan Bischak

The experiences of youth are interpreted through the eyes of a child, with the limited knowledge of that age when these experiences occurred. In many situations, an adult would interpret and react to the same differently. Some of the events registered in the mind as traumatic were actually not so bad, but that’s the way it was registered, so that’s how the event remains in the recesses of memory. For instance, many young children are terrified of clowns and Santa at the mall. There’s no reason for alarm, but that’s not how the little tot sees it. He or she is screaming in terror because they are too young to know better.

Memories of bad experiences continue to affect many of us as adults. We can’t seem to get beyond some things just because they happened a long time ago. The mind makes them as clear as they happened yesterday and we are still reacting. It is possible to choose to revisit past negative events with an open mind and a discerning eye. Something very hurtful may have created a lingering victim mentality; but through adult eyes they might feel differently and not be hurt so much.

A person may have had the perfect parents and home life, but negative interactions with schoolmates and teachers. Kids in school might have made fun of them. Perhaps they were the last to be picked for sports in their physical education class. Maybe they grew up with the stigma of living on the wrong side of the tracks in the poorer neighborhood. There are so many disempowering incidents that happen in the course of our lives that affect our sense of self-worth and leave us still hurting years later.

It can be enlightening to sit, going back in time, contemplate where a feeling of low self-esteem originated. Many are still grappling with issues of trust because someone betrayed them. Once their heart was broken, they built a wall around it for protection and now find it difficult to open up to experience a really close relationship. No matter their achievements, a person can still feel somehow not smart enough because someone that mattered to them labeled them as “stupid” a long time ago. An examination of what people said and did can provide clues to emotional triggers.

Louise Hay’s first book, You Can Heal Your Life, explains that holding grudges, hate and other negative emotions will only serve to damage us in some way; physically, emotionally, mentally or spiritually. She wrote that forgiveness was the key to letting these things go so they would no longer have a negative impact. Forgiveness does not mean condoning what people may have done, but it can reduce the emotional effect. Forgive others for their shortcomings.

The Bible says that as Jesus was about to die on the cross, he cried out to God to forgive his tormentors because “they don’t know what they do.” A lot of people never realize the harm they’ve done, so there will never be an apology forthcoming. They forgot the harm they did and have long ago moved on, while those they harmed are still licking their open emotional wounds today. Forgiving someone allows us to use compassion to see their common human faults and with the understanding gained, let those bad feelings go.

What people think and feel affects their body. The popular mind-body-spirit metaphor is not a cliché. For thousands of years, it was under- stood that our bodies are affected by our emotions, our thoughts and our sense of spirituality. Find the imbalances, correct them with right thinking and healing can occur. The human mind is very powerful. Thoughts create reality. Medicine men in indigenous tribes have always known this.

Examination of the past and a look into the shadowy parts for the painful memories kept in the dark can bring understanding. Don’t allow the past to fuel depression. Instead, clear away the misunderstandings and misinterpretations that block the happiness available right now.

The shadow side in ourselves must be acknowledged so we can come to the conclusion that there
is another person that needs to be forgiven. Look in the mirror; none of us are perfect. Everyone has caused some pain or trauma. The hardest part may be to forgive ourselves for hurtful situations we created and make apologies, if possible. Forgiveness is not just for the one forgiven, but for the one that forgives, as well. It can be a tremendously transformational experience.

Susan Bischak can be reached at NaturalHarmony@optonline.net. For more information, visit SusanBischak.com.