Published on February 1st, 2018 | by Jerry & Pat Hocek0
Pat and I owned a restaurant in Parsippany for a number of years until we sold it in 2015. Saint Valentine’s Day was always the busiest night of the year… lots of couples made dinner reservations to celebrate their love for each other. We noticed that the happiest couples were typically very involved in conversation during their visit. They had a particular chemistry that kept them engaged and joyful. The happiest of these couples were quick to laugh and joke around with each other. They were our favorites, as they would also engage with me and Pat and staff in the same manner.
Why doesn’t everyone approach their relationship and life in general in a way that’s light and fun? Well, if what I mentioned in the above paragraph resembles love, then what keeps us from feeling good must be fear, and if you’ve been reading these letters each month, then you already know that fear is a future concept. It’s simply a concern that a particular circumstance will produce an undesirable or unwanted outcome.
From my personal experience, it appears that much turmoil arises in relationships because one or both partners possess a fear that their needs won’t be met by the other. Expectations and unmet demands tend to throw a monkey wrench into the works. I find it interesting that people often peg their happiness on what the other is doing or not doing. How did we all deal with expectations when we were single? Well, it was our own job to meet our needs and expectations. Aha! So, why does the game change when we hook up with someone? It shouldn’t.
A friend of mine periodically reminds me, “We are the protectors of each other’s solitude.” That means give me some damn space to be myself. We are sovereign beings here to co-create reality. If you choose to control or try to control others, well, that’s a game that usually doesn’t end well. Instead, I propose that we all simply uplift our mates this Valentine’s Day. One fellow thinker, observer, optimist and defender of the heart has the right idea with the prose below. Ladies, replace the word her with him.
Take her ideas to new heights.
Let brilliance cast light upon beauty,
lifting her spirit to the place it desires.
Levitate her love above the common
because try as they will,
the darkness in others can’t steal her shine
if they cannot reach her sky.
~Stephen L. Lizotte