Published on March 31st, 2019 | by Jerry & Pat Hocek0
Spring is upon us once again. For many, it’s a time for cleaning out the cupboards and closets, but there’s been a bigger dynamic at work these days. Many of us have been letting go of people and situations that no longer serve our highest good, and perhaps more diligently than ever. Moving past the fear associated with change has been a more recent and common theme within the human kingdom.
For some, deeper fears of abandonment and intimacy, typically rooted in some form of unresolved childhood trauma, are coming to the surface. Fearing abandonment, we sometimes remain in friendships, romantic entanglements and even marriages that perpetuate disharmonious and disempowering circumstances. We often remain in these relationships longer than necessary because they tend to replicate those familiar dynamics of our childhood, which may even appear normal until we start to look for answers to our dilemma.
One example involves the empathic or nurturing female that involves herself with a string of narcissistic men. The simple conclusion is that she’s yearning to attain the unconditional love she never received from her emotionally unavailable or narcissistic father. This same dynamic is also witnessed when adult men attempt to seek in a lover the unconditional love and nurturing not available from the mother during childhood. In adulthood, the often-unrealized challenge is that the ensuing relationship patterns are always subconscious and are driven from a perspective of lack.
When we operate from a position of lack, we typically attract the same lack we are attempting to resolve; so we attract one emotionally unavailable or self-serving partner after another, perhaps secretly hoping that one day, our ship will come in and all will be well … “The next one will be different.” The big news flash is that the next partner will most likely deliver more of the same disconnection until we stop looking for someone to fill the void and reinvent ourselves through esteem-building and proper self-care, which is self-love.
Good things don’t come easy. You have to become the vision of the person you wish to attract. That means roll up your sleeves, get in there and don’t be afraid to get brutally honest. Half-measures will avail you nothing. The real work beings when we finally have our fill of insanity, get serious and begin to move past the old patterns and stories.
Have a wonderful Earth Day!
Jerry Hocek and Angelica Pat Sanshompoo, Publishers